I’ve learned a few things about parenting during my experiences. Since this position doesn’t come with a manual, I always had to rely on learning from watching my mom and she was a genius. Among the things I gleaned was the fact that you often have to resort to trickery or scamming to accomplish your parental objectives. And another tidbit is to never reveal everything about yourself. You may give them ammunition.
Naturally there were things I didn’t figure my kids needed to know about me but today they learned something that I had never tried to hide – they just didn’t know this particular fact.
I’ve never flown a kite.
Now I’ve often been told to go fly one but I could never put all the pieces of the whole together to actually get the kite off the ground, into the air and keep it flying.
The weather was warmer today – albeit windy – and the girls were more than eager to spend time outside after being cooped up for weeks in the arctic zone known as Des Moines. We made a quick run to Target and I re-stocked my pitiful outdoor toy supply which currently consisted of chalk, bubbles and a swing. I added new balls and a jump rope and Ralph threw a Barbie kite into the equation.
I figured I was home free – Ralph could fly the damned thing! But NO – she and Tammy wanted to go shopping and I had offered to stay with the girls and they were hell-bent on kite-flying.
Suddenly I realized that I had to fly it. But first of all, I had to put it together and hilarity ensued as Tammy and Ralph realized that even though they couldn’t ever remember seeing me fly a kite, they just assumed I could. They had no idea I was a Kite Retard. Hey, I wasn’t even sure where to attach the string or which side was supposed to be facing me when/if the darned thing flew.
Clearly I was clueless!
My daughters gave me a quick tutorial and left so I took the little girls to the field across the street from our home. 
Soon Barbie was soaring high in the sky and the girls were squealing with delight. It didn’t seem to matter that my skills were pretty lame – Barbie would soar and then dive to the ground and Julia would run to the kite, hold it up and let the wind catch it and carry it upwards – until it tumbled again. Lydia just ran around trying to follow the pink tail and occasionally helping me guide it.
I’m certainly not ready to enter a kite-flying contest but at least I can say I’ve gotten one into the air and kept it there for ….maybe 60 second max!
Beware. I may not ignore the next person who tells me to go fly a kite.
